Ironic TV

There is no shortage of patronising TV these days. I've wiped from my memory files most of the endless sequences of fussy editing, naff drama reconstructions, silly effects and hammed-up commentaries I've drowsed through before summoning up enough energy to reach for the remote control. What a pleasure then to turn to Oxford Film and TV's lovingly crafted hatchet job on English Heritage, a series that expects its audience to be at least as intelligent as the filmmakers themselves.

The company has a track record in exposing corporate complacency in the arts and the media, which makes it all the more remarkable that English Heritage were dumb enough to let them in the door. Anyone looking for a model of media illiteracy should check out EH's CEO, Simon Thurley, on their website: "Conventional wisdom says that having a TV crew following you around while you work isn’t a very good idea," he says. "But in the end I agreed to the project because I think English Heritage will benefit from revealing itself more."

At the beginning of Friday's programme (The Queen, Her Lover and His Castle) we hear Thurley's eager prattling about "...the ultimate point of anything to do with heritage is it will improve the quality of people's lives". But we hear this in voice-over as a taxi whisks Thurley away from a photo call: what we see is a measured, ironic pan revealing a Deloitte strapline, "Clear Business Direction", emblazoned on the taxi doors. Right away, you know you are going to see some posh nitwits eagerly snatching at the rope with which to hang themselves.

Those of us who have worked in the publicly funded arts sector watch with horrified recognition as Thurley's steely-eyed wife Dr Anna Keay (no conflict of interest there, then) asserts her determination to spend £1.5 million of public money on an Elizabethan garden squeezed in between the backside of Kenilworth Castle and a busy main road. "I suspect sums of money of the scale of what we'll be spending at Kenilworth are spent all over the public sector every day on things that will have far less impact on people's life and happiness than Kenilworth Garden" she snaps. You can almost hear director Patrick Forbes licking his lips here as he inserts a clip from the BBC's 1971 Elizabeth R and lets it run for three ponderously naff seconds before Samuel West's narration resumes with "The omens...are not good."

If I'd ever delivered a project a year late and 35% over budget I'd never have heard the last of it, however good my excuses (and there are plenty on EH's own website). I suppose it just goes to show what you can get away with if you own enough castles.